Take Care

What do you do when your damaged & broken?
And it feels like your heart is about to explode?
Your chest becomes heavy,
The tears fall like rain.
Can't catch your breath.
For the pain of your heart breaking is to much to bear.
You scream in agony.
Pray for the pain to go away.
Wish for the memories to fade.
You want so bad to go back to yesterday.
When all was good & not so sad.
You go over & over again in your head.
All the words he ever said.
Was it real?
Were they true?
Maybe it was all a lie & he never really loved you.
For if he did he wouldn't be able to just walk away.
He'd stop & fight & beg with all his might.
For you to stay; beg never to leave.
But he didn't.
All he said was Take Care.

Take care?
Okay..... I will.
I'll take care of this broken heart.
The words you lied.
Try to erase your memory.
Don't even want to remember yesterday.
You made me care,
You made me fall.
You caught me for a moment.
Then let me fall to the ground.
Got me feelin' like I'm in the depths of hell.
Once upon a time on cloud 9.
Only took a few words to fall from heaven.
Guess I wasn't your angel,
Guess you didn't change.
Nothing but lies.
I hate your face.

All the I love you's,
I miss you's,
I need you,
Your my life & you complete me.
If all were so true now how do you feel?
Do you feel like a part of you is missing?
Does your heart bleed as much as mine?
Do you lay awake missing me?
The answer to all these questions is NO!
No you don't miss me,
No your heart doesn't bleed,
And hell no do you feel like a part of you is missing.
I was just another woman you dated.
Manipulated.
Fell for your lies.
Damn you took me on one hell of a ride.

I know now how dumb I was.
How blind I became.
But now I see,
I really see that you Never loved me.
It'll hurt for a little while.
And I'll be down for some time.
But I'll get back up again.
And be stronger then I was before.
Another life lesson learned.
Thanks for the class.
Your a horrible teacher.
That was a life lesson I didn't need to learn.

~Sparrow

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2013

Time is Right

When the time is right I'll date again.
Hopefully find a man who can be 100% wit me.
Seem to be to much to be real these days.
But be real wit me & I'll be real wit you.
I'm the type of chic who's cool wit you chillin wit your boys.
Cuz I like to chill wit my girls & my babies.
I'm old fashioned, I like dates.
But I also like to shoot hoops, play video games, & dance.
Life is about livin' & havin' fun.
So all I expect is a man to have a lil time for me.
I need a man who's not worried bout my past & what I may of once did.
Only need him to be worryin bout the present & what happens in the future.
I don't worry bout people's pasts.
For your past does not define you.
But your future does.

When the time is right I'll date again.
But until then....
I'll be enjoying my life.
Livin' every day.
Smilin', laughin', & enjoying my time with my babies.
For there all I really need.
There love is truly enough for me <3

~Sparrow

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2013

Far from Perfect

I'm fragile and broken.
A fallen angel from above,
Far from perfect.
I make mistakes and only human.
Only wanting to love and be loved back.
Only for just who I am.
Flaws and all.
I'm far from perfect.

These eyes have cried a thousand tears,
This body has felt a million blows and pain.
My heart is no longer whole.
I've known more pain then most.
Yet I'm still here trying to live.
Trying to love and be loved.
Wanting change and a different life.
I've let go and left the past in the past.

But yet no one thinks I haven't changed.
That I'm still the same.
There's a million scars seen and unseen.
I've live and I've learned.
It's all made me who I am today.
Far from perfect but I know I deserve to be loved to.

Soul aching, heart breaking, the unknown taking over.
Fragile and broken yes that's me.
But still standing tall and living with what's left of me.
May not be fully whole.
But I know when the right person comes along.
I'll finally be complete, healed, and freed of my inner misery.
Just wanting someone to love me for me.
Flaws and all.....
....Far from perfect... I'm only me....

~Sparrow~

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Another Sleepless Night

Another sleepless night.
Mind on overdrive full of thoughts of the unknown.
Nightmares becoming reality.
Dreams none existent.
Demons linger near ready to attack as soon as my guard comes down.
Another sleepless night,
Haunted by my demons inside of me.

Pour another drink to fade away all feelings of being alive.
Whiskey in my cup.
100 proof as strong as it can get.
Music in my ears,
Mind fading to another place; another time.
Left all alone wanting out.
Out of this life,
Out of today,
Out of this world full of demons that haunt me inside.

Another sleepless night fighting the demons inside.
Memories strong screaming in my mind.
Never letting me forget.
Pour another drink to drown out my past.
Only to have it come back full force.
Stuck in my mind.
Wishing for happier days,
New memories of better days.
When will all the pain end?
Looking for that happy place where i'm safe and no longer gotta hide.
No more running,
No more drowning.
Theses memories that scream in my head.
Fighting demons stronger then I can handle.
Fighting unending battle of heart ache and pain.
Another sleepless night,
My mind fully awake.
Pour another drink to drown out the demons that scream into my ear.
A new day,
A new start....
Until night comes and I lay my head to rest.
Mind becomes restless and haunted by the past full of pain and heart ache.
So strong and still very alive.
Hoping for better days that will rid me of all this pain.
..........another sleepless night......

~Sparrow~

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

One of a Kind

Never saw him comin'.
Blind sided by his words.
Left me speechless and heart at a stand still.
Crushin' real hard.
Sú es mí papí chulo.
Tán muy guapo.
Got me wonderin'.
Wanting more.

He's heaven sent.
Makes time stand still.
Sun always shining when he's around.
Smile of a god that makes you forget to breath.
He'll make you feel like gold...priceless..

Can't believe I've lived this long without someone like him in my life.
Every day changing.
Every day growing.
Crushin' real hard.
He's one in a million.
One of a kind.
Never to be duplicated.
Some may try but could never come close.
Sú es mí papí chulo.
He's one of kind.
Leaves you breathless,
Makes your heart forget to beat.
Eyes of a solider,
Touch of a gentleman.
Kiss of an angel.
May just be everything to me.

One of a kind.
Sú es mí papí chulo.

~Sparrow

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Had Enough

I'm done I've had enough.
The fighting, the yelling.
It's just all to much.
Every other day of every single week.
When will enough be enough??
No one should ever fight this much.
How can you call the arguing and fighting love?
This is not love.
Love does not make you cry ,
Nor look for places to hide.
It does not make you feel like you have to walk on egg shells,
Just to avoid possibly saying the wrong thing.

Than another argument breaks out.
It's a never ending cycle and now I'm clouded with doubt.
I want back how I once felt.
The love, the security, the dream of a future.
Only thing I see is dark and dim.
There's no light at the end of this tunnel.
Seems there's no end.

I'm done I've had enough.
There's no fight left in me.
I give up.
You win...that's it I surrender.
Standing here waving the white flag...

~Sparrow
All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

First Step

I feel like my brain is gonna explode.
Nothing is ever easy and if it is.
Somethin' bad bout to happen.
I can feel the storm over head.
I see the clouds.
Lightening clashing all around.
The hail begins.
The hurricane hits.
Close my eyes and begin to cry.
Crouch to the ground.
Screaming for help.
All goes quiet until the tornado touches the ground.
Running for cover there's no where to go.
Holding onto a metal pole.
It's pulling me in,
I scream and cry.
Fighting with all my might.
I fall to the ground and look around.
All is calm but there's chaos all around.
I stand up,
Brush myself off,
And wipe the tears from my eyes.
I take my first step.
The first step of the rest of my life.

~Sparrow~
7/27/12

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

They Don't Know

Don't matter what others say.
It's all he said she said.
They makin' no sense.
Story after story.
Lie after another.
No one can be real and do nothing but talk smack.
Don't they know that no matter what they say you'll forever be my love, my man, my baby?

They think they know you.
But they a bunch of fools.
They don't know you like I do.
That smile; that laugh.
Hides a past of hurt and tears.
Fear after fear of never being loved for who you are.
Livin' life thinkin' your invisible.
But baby I see you.
Inside and out through and through.
Mind, body, soul.
Your more than the man they think you are.
Amazing, strong, intelligent, handsome.
So much rolled in one.
They just don't know you like I do.
Nor do they see the man you really are.
Someone always gonna hate.
Always gonna be jealous and talk shit.
But we above all that.
Can't ever be brought down to their level.

Baby your forever shinin' in my eyes.
Forever my numba one.
They just don't know you like I do.
So I'll let em hate and say what they say.
They just mad cuz you my man and I ain't lettin' go without a fight.
I was raised to fight for who and what you love.
And boo you mí amor,
The one who saw me when no one else didn't and I saw you.
My heart speaks to only you and you hear every word it says.
This is how I know it's true.
I'll never let go of you.

No matter what they say or do.
You'll always be my number one.
and I ain't lettin' go of you.
They just don't know you like I do.
A bunch of judgmental fools.

~Sparrow~

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

One of a Kind

Every time I hear his voice it's music to my soul.
The very sight of him makes me smile with joy.
He approaches; his lips on mine and I forget how to breath.
He puts his hand on the back of my neck and our kisses intensify.
He wraps his arms around me and I feel right where I belong.
When he's near he brings a calmness to my soul.
Time just seems to stop and the world is at a stand still.
It's just me and him.
He makes me forget all the bad and chaos in my life.
With him there are always better days.
He never judges just keeps it real.
I tell him what's on my mind and he only gives me honest feedback.
He's one of a kind.
Not to many men like him exist.
He makes my life better.
Never negative like all the rest.
Since he came into my life.
I've been stress free and feel at complete ease.

He speaks to my soul and hears my heart.
No words have to be spoken for him to know what's on my mind.
He seems to know me better than I know myself.
How he does this I may never know.
But I'm grateful for him coming into my life.
Making it better, not worse.
Loving unconditionally, not with restriction.
He's one of a kind.
Every day I wake up grateful to be able to say he's mine.
All I can do is smile, look at him, and proudly say "Yes that's my man." ")
He's one of a kind.

~Sparrow~
7/23/12

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Soulless Man

Once upon a time you brought joy to my life.
Now all you do is cause unbearable pain.
Lie after lie.
Caught like a fish in a net.
Yet you stand there and lie to my face.
Don’t say you love me when the words upon your lips are empty.


You call me names, bring me down.
Then think you can come back around.
You say you changed it’ll be different this time.
Boy you lie like that fake Persian rug.
Look me in my eyes and tell me your lies…
Oh that’s right you can.
You’re a soulless man.
Your actions speaking everything your to scared to say.
Just be real.
Oh that’s right you can’t!

How is it so hard to be faithful to me,
to do right and not break my heart on a daily?
You soulless man.
No heart, No conscious, No thoughts.
You could careless that every day you’re breaking my heart.
You’re a fucking mess.
You have no clue which way is up.

You pulled me into your web of lies.
Got into my mind, stole my heart, and now you seem to think its okay to cause all this pain.
It’s not okay and I’m tired of the sleepless nights.
Always worrying bout what’s gonna happen next.
It shouldn’t be like this.
I should be able to love without worrying if you’ll walk away yet again.

I deserve better and I know that I do.
But yet I hold on to a soulless man.
Constantly in agony but yet I love with all my might.
Damn I’ve lost my mind.

I gotta run and hide.
Can’t let you find me.
Gotta let you go and be stronger than your fake love.
Your meaningless words can’t get past this wall I’ve built.
You no longer have power over me.
I never knew when I met you, you were a soulless man.
I wish I could have seen past your lying eyes.
But all the pain and damage you have caused has only made me stronger.
You knocked me to my knees.
So I prayed for the Lord to help me and give me strength.
It took days of agonizing pain,
Rivers of tears,
screams that could shatter glass….
To finally stand back up.

As I wiped away the tears,
Turned my heart cold.
And let honey ease my throat,
I whispered… “Never Again…..”


Never again will I let a man do what you did to me.
Never again will I let love in and break me.
Love is supposed to build you, hold you, and carry you.
Not destroy you.
Never again will I ever settle for less.
I deserve the very best.

Someday I’ll find a man with a soul.
One who will love me past their heart to their soul.
I’m standing, stronger than ever.
Good-bye you Soulless man.
Love for you no longer lives here.
I deserve the best.
Not a devil in disguise.
You tried to destroy me,
Yet I still stand strong.

☆Sparrow☆
7/10/12

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Never Again

As my heart turned to ice & my walls built up.
I closed my eyes & screamed as loud as I could.
The pain unbearable,
Even my soul was screaming.
Never again I told myself.
Never again will I love.
To much pain,
To much heartache,
To much blinded trust.
Broken time & time again.

As my walls stand tall & strong.
My heart as cold as ice.
My soul black as night.
I meet new guy after next.
Never really connecting.
Heck I never gave em a chance.

Then this one man came along.
Caught me off guard.
Never thought he'd be the one chipping away at my walls.
Every moment with him I feel the ice melt,
My soul slowly enters into the light.
And my walls start to crumble to the ground.
I fight so hard to keep everything intact.
I can't let love back in.

So I'll like him as much as I'm allowed before it gets to close to love.
Can't have love sneaking up on me like that.
He's a good man & I know I'm no good for him.
But I'll stay here & enjoy his company for as long as he allows me to.

Can't bare the pain of love no more.

~Sparrow~

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Lies....Everywhere

When the world sleeps I stay awake.
Watching... Wondering what this life has in store for me.
The ups & downs.
Lies upon lies how do I ever trust?
Why is it so hard for people to be real?
Guess they just can't be themselves regardless if you; yourself are real with them.
The trials & tribulations of life forever keep you on guard.
Never knowing what will happen next.
One minute here then next never to be seen again.

The world has become a complete jumble of gadgets & gizmos.
Technology & Internet rule the world of communication like no other.
Making it so much easier to hide; never to really be yourself...leaving many to lie.
Regardless of the changing world.
I don't hide nor do I lie about who I am & where I come from.
I'm gonna be real with you regardless of the situation.
And if need be I'll be brutally honest cuz that's just me.
I wasn't put on this earth to please you nor to fit inside your box.
I am me & that's all I'll ever be.
Don't like something bout me well then get to steppin cuz I don't give a rats ass.

I do as I please, speak how I like.
Dress in what's comfortable to me.
My tats aren't some fad they are my life story for the world to see.
I chose to wear my art literally on my sleeve.
Unlike most I don't need to lie to be me,
I don't need to lie to make friends or get a man.
People like me cuz I'm real & I'm me.
Simply that.... I'm me & that's all I'll ever be.
I don't need to hide behind a web of lies to live my life as I please.

~Sparrow~

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Forever Love.. Then Lost

Once upon a time I walked with broken wings.
A shatter heart & a lost soul.
The day I met you turned my whole world upside down.
No longer was I alone.
For I now had you to hold.

You found my soul & protected it,
You picked up every shattered piece of my heart & put it back together.
Then you gave me new wings to always be by your side.
You became my best friend, my lover, my future forever.

Then a cloud came over head & the rain began to pour.
Thunder rumbled & lightening flashed.
The next thing I knew my whole world had just crashed.

The one who fixed everything.
Shattered it all.
Ripped out my heart,
Lost my soul,
Then broke my wings.
Never to fly again.
As tears stream down my face,
My heart exploding in my chest.
The pain so unbearable I just want it to go away.
Burn my bad memories & remember the better days.

How could the one who said he'd never leave nor walk away.
Shatter my whole world & just walk away?
You have no idea the pain & sorrow you have left.
How can I pick back up & ever smile again?
My once in a lifetime love took himself away from me.
He seemed to not know how much it would kill me.
I've lost my best friend,
My other half.
The man that completed my dreams.
My soul.
The one I gave my heart to.
Brought my whole world crashing down.
Now there's a hole in my heart & in my soul.
I've never felt so alone.
I loved whole heartily,
Then I loss.

Now I walk upon this earth in a daze.
Wondering & not understanding how all this has happened to me.
Now I look up in the sky every day & night.
Praying to the gods above to bring my forever love back were he belongs.
Show him the way to a forever lasting love.
And I hope he comes back & never walks away again.
For if he ever did.
I'd never be same.
How could I ever live?

::A broken heart is hard to bare & live with. Every day is a test to inner strength. Every day it rains. So I cry in the rain so the world doesn't see my pain::

~Sparrow~

Copyright
All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Love of My Life

As I sit here & cry while my mind is in complete chaos.
Trying so hard to understand.
I feel used, worthless, & like I'm never good enough.
Gave my all & my heart.
Only to get it thrown in my face.

I don't know if his words were real.
If he ever really loved me.
It's the unknown that rips my heart every day.
When I looked into his eyes they said I love you.
His arms claimed me & protected me.
His kiss so amazing took my breath away every time.
Every day that passed I felt he was forever mine.
My love always grew & even now it still does.
I can't help but love this man that ripped out my heart.

So I sit and watch the world pass me by.
Waiting for the Love of my life...
To say he was sorry, wrong, & made a mistake.
He never meant to leave me & doesn't want another man to ever take his place.
I know he loves me.
I could feel it from his heart and soul.
His words were not lies.
And I'll never let anyone convince me otherwise.

So I sit and wait for the Love of my life.
Cuz no other man could ever compare to him.
He still holds my heart in the palm of his hand.

I love and miss you TC

~Sparrow~
All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

All a Lie

In the middle of the night as I laid upon your bare chest.
I cried tears of sorrow.
For I knew I was losing you.
You told me to stop crying that you'd never leave me.
That you love me and I'm what you want.

I should of known then what I know now.
It was all a lie.
You never loved me like I love you.
The pain I feel is so intense.
A dagger to my chest that you seem to push further & further into me.

I would never do you wrong.
I gave you my word I'd always stand by you.
You gave your word to.
But it seems that means nothing to you.

You never loved me like I love you.
All your words a lie, hugs & kisses to.
You just used me knowing damn well all the pain I've already been thru.
Did you ever care?
I don't believe you ever did.
Cuz in truth if you did.
Leaving me would be something you'd never be able to do.

In the end I'm the one left with a broken heart.
So done with love.
Not putting myself out there again.

~Sparrow~
All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Four Years

Every year that passes it doesn't get easier to deal with.
The tears still come as fast as the first day she passed away.
It never gets easier I just learn to hide the pain well.
The heart ache I feel every day of every week.
Is always there lingering over me.
I look at my oldest child & then my youngest and think how life would of been if Zenzi was never taken from us.
She'd be four now and running around.
Dancing through the house.
Her love for music was incredible.
I've never seen a baby love music as much as her besides her baby sister.

Those who don't know or understand my pain.
Say it'll be fine you'll be okay.
Some days I don't feel fine and some days it's not okay.
You just don't understand how bad I want my daughter back.
It isn't fair that she was taken from a good and loving home.
When other children are abused and neglected in other house holds.
I'll never understand this and I'll always be upset.
Don't tell me to let go and get over it.
I lost my baby,
My little girl.
I'll never be okay with the fact she's not here.
Four years later and it hurts just the same as the day I lost her.
Apart of me is missing and nothing can fill that void.
It'll always be apart of me until I pass on to another life.

::It doesn't seem like its been four years. I miss my daughter and everyday I wonder why and what kind of person she'd be::
RIP Zenzi Teganmarie Elizabeth
Mommy loves you and miss you so much.
Sunrise 12/22/07
Sunset 04/24/08

Forever Love

Forever Love

I love the way his eyes light up when he sees me.
All the love that he feels for me never has to be spoken.
Just look at him and you'll see.
The look in his eyes when he looks at me......
Speak volumes of emotions.
His love is pure devotion.
It isn't lust it's unconditional love.

I've never really believed in love at first sight.
Until the day he came into my life.
With just one look, a smile, and then he spoke.
The sound of his voice is like the theme song to my life.
He took my breath away and woke up my heart.
I've loved before but never like this.
He's like a magnet that my heart could not ignore.
My mind screamed stop you don't even know this man.
My heart yelled back "I know all I need to know."

I've followed my heart ever since and it has yet to lead me astray.
Some may think I'm crazy or even a fool.
But this fool is in love and I never want it to go away.
I've never really imagined a lifetime with someone.
Until I met Tim my absolute perfect love.
Perfect for me in every which way.
The world doesn't need to see it or even understand.
His my man and I'm his woman and that's all anyone needs to know.

Our life's,
Our love.
Only equal one.
Two hearts,
One soul.
Forever entwined.
Never letting go.

~Sparrow~
All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Scars.... My Battle

I don't hide and I don't lie.
My scars are seen by all.
I am not ashamed of the pain I've survived.
My scars show how strong I really am and how I never give up.
I keep fighting cuz its all I got left....
....Is the fight to survive.
I've never backed down from anyone or anything.

The only thing to fear in life is to fear giving up the fight to survive.
Every single person is here for a reason.
To make an impact on someone or something.
Don't ever be afraid to fight and don't ever give up the will to survive.

Don't be ashamed of the scars you carry.
They tell your story of survival and of your own personal war.
We all have a story.
We all have fought to keep on living.
Some lose the fight and some survive.
All that matters is that you never give up and that you never back down from anyone or anything that's trying to bring you down.

Fight for yourself.
Cuz if you don't who else will?
Your scars are proof of survival.
Don't ever be ashamed of what you've been through.
We all are warriors.
Fighting our own battles of war.

Stand tall and never give up.
Show your scars.
Tell your story.
Cuz your still here,
Your Surviving.

~Sparrow

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Perfect Man

I close my eyes in the middle of the night.
Picture you laying beside me.
Your arms wrapped tight around my waist.
I can hear you whisper that you love me.
Forever always I'm yours.

Constantly I think of you.
Day and night all my thoughts are of you.
Missing you, loving you, your smile, your laugh, your voice echos through my head.
I've entered into heaven at last.

I've dreamed and thought of the perfect man.
Always thinking I'd have to settle for less cuz the man I dream of doesn't exist.
Then out of the blue you message me; then I message you.
Never did I think by the end of the day you'd be mine.
As the days pass by.
I realize I've found my perfect man at last.
I never thought dreams could come true.
Until the day I met you.

I look at you in awe and I'm proud your by my side.
The man of my dreams really is alive.
Your kiss melts my soul,
Your touch my heart.
Your presence alone makes me feel alive.
I could never ask for a more perfect man then you.
You truly are my other half.
The one that completes my soul.

My perfect man to have and to hold forever always and soar with our eternal souls.
You are the perfect man for me.

~Sparrow~
All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Stress Journal I had 2 write 4 class

Names changed to protect privacy.... I thought this was a very good insight into someone that I didn't even realize I had. Crazy how u know someone and yet they still don't know you :(

Module 4 Stress Journal 2

3/13/2012
The joys of life and trying to understand men; which I’ve come to realize you will never really understand anyone no matter how long you have known them you still don’t really know them. I think I have finally reached a point to where if "MMA" decides that he no longer wants to peruse a relationship with me I will actually be just fine with it. Before I would have broke down and cried and felt like it was the end of the world. Now I realize it isn’t and maybe I am not meant to be with him even though I do truly love him. He’s just not in a place where he can really love someone the way they should and need to be loved. I’ve done everything he has asked of me and yet I still get shit on because it’s either not enough or too much. I’ve come to realize he’s always going to push people away. It’s his defense mechanism so he doesn’t get hurt. Well all the while he’s trying to not get “hurt” he’s hurting the person he is with. I really don’t think he sees what he is doing and if he does then he must not care. I honestly can’t keep fighting him to prove my love and how much I want to be with him. You love someone whole heartily and without limitations. I understand why he does what he does. But after 14 years of knowing me and even now knowing what he does about me and how I feel about him he should know that my intentions are only good. But of course it seems he doesn’t see this and yet I am another enemy trying to cross sum barrier he has put up.
Yes I want to break that damn wall down. I want him to feel the love he deserves to feel but he fights it so much that I don’t think he will ever feel the love I have for him. I had told him that if he does decide to break up with me then that would be it. I would be gone and he would no longer be able to contact me ever again. I meant what I said. I can’t keep going back and forth with him and I can’t have him just popping back into my life because he misses me and possibly ruining a relationship I may have started with someone else. It isn’t fair to me or that other person. "MMA" can’t have his cake and eat it to; to put it lightly. He makes a decision and he’s just going to have to live with it. I am not perfect by any means but I do love him with everything I am and as crazy as that may seem it; is true. In my eyes I think he is one of the most amazing men I know or have known. He has lived through so much and conquered more in his lifetime then most human beings have and yet he is still standing. I admire him; love him for his strength and mainly I just love him for him. His personalities (yes personalities cuz if you knew him u would know he is different around certain people), his sense of humor, even his attitude and anger. I know how crazy that sounds but to know "MMA" is to know every part of him. Then you may possible begin to kind of understand him. He is a good man with a very caring heart but is so beyond scared to love that he sabotages it before it can even really begin.
Well this is my stress of the day. Fighting to be with someone who is fighting so hard to push me away, I can’t and I won’t keep fighting to be with him if he truly doesn’t want to be with me. I deserve to be loved full heartily and without restrictions. Maybe he’ll realize things and maybe he won’t. You can’t predict the future you can only hope for the best outcome possible.

~Sparrow~

If You Loved Me

You take it all never giving back.
All I ever wanted was you to love me like you say you do.
I'd take a stray bullet to the heart for you.
I'd walk through the fires of hell for you.
Do you not love me like you say you do?
What I ever do to have you walk away when all I ever wanted was you to love me like you say you do?
I'd climb the highest mountain to get to you.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
I'd give my life to save yours.

My love for you is unconditional.
Unjudging... Just loving you is all I do.
All I ever wanted was your words to speak through your actions for me.
If you loved me like you say you do.
You would never turn your back to me.
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
I'd take a stray bullet for you.
Would you do the same for me?
Or would you let me die?
If you loved me like you say.
You wouldn't be able to walk away so easily.

I'm always going to love you.
It's nothing I can stop and walk away from.
Unlike you my love is unconditional and forever always I'll love you and only you.


✩ՏԹɑɾɾօա✩

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Random blogging...

So surfing the Twitter net from my phone during nap time at work & I come across an ex friends Tweets. Crazy how once upon a time I called this chic a friend. 1yr 3mos & 11 days ago she really tweeted that I deserved to lose my daughter. Who the hell says that about someone?! And what does that say about the company she keeps for them other people to not say hey that's not right you shouldn't say that. I'm just in shock by this. Some people are just straight out heartless & don't even deserve to live in my opinion if they can really go around saying such things and believing them.
Really glad she's no longer a so called friend or even in my life. People like that are pure toxic. Their lives suck so bad because they make em suck.
I'm just in shock and very happy to have the friends I have now. Thankfully I stopped being blind and saw the truth.


✩ՏԹɑɾɾօա✩

With You

With you I feel safe and right where I belong.
I've spent so many years in arms that hurt me and abused me.
You've never raised a hand or even your voice at me.
You've always been the one I would say "I got a friend who would kick your ass if you hurt me."
Ever since I've known you,
You have been my protector,
The one I looked to for advise,
The one I ran to when I wanted to laugh instead of cry.

Your the one that has had my love from day one.
With you I feel at peace.
With you I feel safe which is a place I've never known.
The touch of your hand makes my heart race.
The sound of your voice makes butterflies in my tummy.
Your kiss stops my breath and my heart.
You alone makes my world whole.

With you life just makes sense.
I admire you more then you'll ever know.
I'm amazed by your strength inner and outer.
I love your personality.
Your laugh; your smile.
I love your stories.
I could listen for hours.

I love you so much I wish I could put it all in words.
But there's not enough words in the world, nor are there enough hours in a day to show you.
You mean everything to me.
My heart and soul.
The one I hope to grow old with.

With you I finally feel at home.


✩ՏԹɑɾɾօա✩

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Fragile & Broken

I'm fragile and broken.
I hide behind a mask of happiness.
I smile when I want to cry.
I laugh when I'm screaming inside.
I'm far from perfect.
Only looking to be loved for who I am.

I'm fragile and broken but still standing.
Strong enough to last til the end of time.
No one sees my pain and sorrow.
I run when I'd rather fall.
My heart is a shattered mess.
Missing pieces from past hurt and abuse.
Looking for a love that would rather fix what's broken not break me even more.
Looking for the one that sees past the mask and says "It's okay I'm here never going anywhere."

Needing that one love that will stand by my side in the middle of a hurricane and not runaway.
I'm fragile and broken.
Only looking to be love as I am.

✩ՏԹɑɾɾօա✩

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Let Me

When your life is derailed and you feel like your going no where I'll be right there for you.
When you have no strength to keep going I'll hold you up and give you my strength to help you to keep going on.
I'll be right there with you while your right here with me.
When you feel your heart breaking I'll catch all the shattered pieces and put them back together.
I'll hold you up when you feel like giving up.
I'll be your strength, your shoulder to lean on, your shelter from the rain.

Life is full of struggles and tribulations.
But you gotta walk through the storm before you see the sun shinning through.
Without the chaos of life there would never be harmony.
So when you feel like giving up let me hold you up.
I'll stand by you til the very end.
Nothing could ever keep me from you and holding on to you.

✩ՏԹɑɾɾօա✩

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Today

Today I lied & said I was fine.
Today I smiled when I wanted to cry.
Today I walked out into the blistering cold & asked God to take me home.
Today.....
Today I wanted to die....

✩ՏԹɑɾɾօա✩

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Dreamland

Off to never never land
And down the rabbits hole.
Into the great unknown.
Dream a little dream,
And hope for nightmares to stay at bay.
Fall into slumber and dream your life away.

Wake up in a magical Forrest,
With fairies all around.
They say we'll grant you one wish so don't make a mistake.
Close my eyes and think with all my might.
Please let me have this wish I make tonight.
I wish,
I hope,
I pray,
Forever for his love to stay.
I wish I may; I wish I might.
Please little fairies grant my wish tonight.

Wake up into the sunlight.
Unsure of your night.
Remembering the wish you made once upon a time.
Even though a dream you still wish it comes true.
So you stare at your phone for hours.
When a text comes in and it's from him.
Your wish upon a time comes true.
His love is real and yes he loves you to.

Dream a little dream,
Make a wish into the night.
Hope beyond hope,
For your wish to come to.
For your true love to love you back as much as you love them.

✩ՏԹɑɾɾօա✩

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

My Dying Breath

Some day I'm gonna fly far; far away.
Close my eyes and set my spirit free.
I've known to much pain,
My heart barely beats.
I live in fear,
For if I love and open up.
I'll just get hurt once again.

I am far from perfect and believe it or not.
I am only human; with thoughts and a shattered heart.
A soul that hides in the darkest of holes.
Fearing what the world seems to hold.

I sometimes fear that I'm not strong enough.
That the pain will win and I'll just set myself free.
Hang from a tree or lie in a pool of blood.
Fear seems to be stronger then my will to live at times.

I stop and I think...
Am I dumb to hold on and love with all my might?
Or should I just endure what ever life may bring my way?
I question my strength.
I'm not always so strong.

So I dream with all my might and hope for the very best.
I'm just gonna love until my dying breath.

✩ՏԹɑɾɾօա✩

All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

Only..

I've spent forever loving him.
Most the time from afar.
Only being able to just be his friend at times.
He's the only man I've ever trusted.
Only one who knows me thru and thru.
He's never hit me or put me down like all the rest.
In his arms I feel safe.
His kiss can stop time.
When with him for only a few minutes turns into hours gone by.

I've never felt safe or even myself in any of my relationships but one.
Time and circumstances have made it hard for me to be with him.
Things are finally changing and I'm standing up for myself.
Doing what needs to be done to be happy for my own self.

If you truly love someone don't love them from afar.
Put yourself out there and tell them.
You may be surprised that they love you to.
The future I may not know.
But can only hope.
That one day I will fully and be completely in the arms of the one that holds my heart and has my soul.
The only man I've ever really known and loved.

~Sparrow~
1/2/12


All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2012

The Pain I've Known

I've spent over a decade loving you.
Heart on the floor;
Soul lost in the dark.
Tear stained cheeks,
And blood shot eyes.

I've known pain I never knew existed until the day you threw me to the side like an unwanted doll.
Back on that dark; dusty shelf waiting for your return.
Only to be short lived.

I've never felt so unwanted or unneeded in all my life.
Until the day you started treating me like an unwanted doll.
You seem to forget I'm human to.
I cry and feel pain.
Just cuz you don't see it or hear my cries.
Doesn't mean I'm not hurting.
I've begun slowly dying inside.
My heart has now become a shattered mess. With missing pieces and stitched all to hell.
My soul full of holes and broken promises.

Some days I had wished you just hit me or call me a name.
That kind of pain I've handled for a life time.
The unknowing and thrown to the side to wait for your return.
Is a pain I've never known until the day you left me in the cold.
You seemed to forget I'm human,
That I have a heart and soul to.
When I've told you I love you and no one else has ever compared.
I don't say it to get your attention for you to come and go as you please.
I say it so you know that my heart is yours.
Shattered and now broken what is left still holds onto hope to some day getting the chance to fully love you.

~Sparrow~
12/31/11 5am


All poetry and lyrics written and owned by Kelli Irene "Sparrow" Ramirez-Snowhawk and federally protected under the United States Copyright Act © 1998-2011