Well its 3 in the afternoon & I know I'm blogging all early today. I thought I might take some time to update. I kept thinking if I woke up in the middle of the night I would blog. But I Never did. I know I can't believe it either. I think someone or something higher then me was trying to tell me something.
If I would of woken up I was going to blog about what I had found & saw & how much I can't stand two faced people Especially when they are suppose to be family. I mean really. How can you say you Love someone & Care about them & blah blah & then just turn around, talk shit & never include them in anything you do. Tacoma & I decide yesterday that we are officially done with it all. We are the only family each other needs & our children included. & well my parents. They have always been there for us; supported us in everything we do without judgment. We can't understand why his family cannot do the same. We have never done anything to them. But yet they chose to live like we don't exist. So its been decided that we will do the same. I know that's not the way to live. But when those people are only bringing you down & making life worse. Why have them in your life at all? I've let Tocoma make the decision on this one. It does exclude his Grandparents, biological sister, & his mom. All because they are blood. The rest are all step & well they have no concept of the meaning of FAMILY. So to make things easy we are just moving on & letting go.
Well back to my sign that everything is going to be okay=]
Besides the fact that I slept all night I also had a very vivid, eye opening dream. It was so real. It even had back ground music like you would hear in a movie or on TV. So weird. After I got up w/my daughter who of course didn't sleep til 11 like she has been the past two days..lol woke up a bout 9:45am... I got up changed her & fed her & while fixing my son breakfast I started humming & singing & then realized I was singing the song from my dream. OMG I remembered!! So I hurried up & YouTubed it on my iphone & looked up the lyrics. It was an old song..lol To realize this is a sign that everything is going to be okay. And the choices Tocoma & I are making for our family are good ones & to pursue them whole heartily & with an open mind. To embrace all good & bad that comes along and to just strive for better. So the planning begins =] YAY! To move out of Ks. Some people know about our plans & many seems to think its only because we want to get away from the drama filled careless people, but that is on the very bottom of our list as to why we are moving. The main reason's are to better our lives & the lives of our children. To live some where with a warm, nice winter..lol Hey if you have ever lived in or been to Ks during winter time then yeah you'd want to get away from it to. Ks winter's are beyond unpredictable. Plus all our babies are winter babies & it would be nice for them to be able to have an outside birthday some day.
I just feel so freed & at ease. I'm actually happy. And I mean really happy. Those who know me knows that I am not the happy go lucky person I once was. But I've been reading allot & trying to open my mind up more. Trying to find that person I once was before I lost the closest people to me. That being my Grandpa & Grandma Donnelly & my #1 daughter Angel. The hard part about moving is knowing we are leaving Angel behind. But then again that is just her Earth shell that is here in Ks. Her Spirit is always with us. And this I know. I know that Jo was right & that Angel would come back to me. I see her every day in her sister's eye's and I know she's near when Bellazay looks up or starts talking to her big sister. So I know that no matter where we may go. She will always be with us.
Here are the Lyrics to the song
Don Henley The End Of The Innocence Lyrics
Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standin' by
But "happily ever after" fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
That's still untouched by men
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass waves in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
O' beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They're beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie
But I know a place where we can go
And wash away this sin
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass waves in the wind
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair spill all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
Who knows how long this will last
Now we've come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say goodbye
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence
Very good song.
I'm happy and no one will be able to take this from me. I have realized good-byes are said for a reason. To grow, lean, & to move on. Some good-byes we are forced to say when God takes others back home with him. And some happen when you least expect it. But always remember that one friend lost you gain another. This I realized yesterday. Those who I never talk to or well seldom do. Decided to pop back into my life for just a short time. I made sure to let them know that we plan to leave next year but that we should all get together before that happens. So hopefully I see them before then, but if I don't that is okay to. I'm happy with the way life is going. Everything happens for a reason. And of course Good-byes to so-called family members are a much needed Good-bye to help us move on & be happy in life. Very Toxic people. I hope one day they realize the real meaning of Family, but if they don't then I will never be surprised.
Life is Good.
And I am grateful for everyone in my life & for everything I have. Everything is falling into place. The Good and the Bad.
~Sparrow~
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